April 2018 – Sonia Kilvington

Jason Beech was kind enough to interview me for his fabulous blog Messy Business!

If you haven’t read this super blog before then you have missed a treat. It’s not the usual stuff.

The questions were a little crazy – or maybe that was me :). The interview is part of a sequence in which some very imaginative writers talk about what inspires them, and why they do it. But the best bit is where Jason creates a really cool story featuring the writers themselves – a scary gangster lady – who me?

You have the right to remain silent … here goes…

I’m at the pelican crossing, Madness’ Shut Up loud through the car speakers, the rain in competition with the beat. I drum the steering wheel and if I had whiskers I’d twiddle them and slurp some cream. The woman walks slow, her tartan shopping trolley rickety and bound to get stuck in the road’s shallowest cracks. I reach back to touch the bag on the back seat and grin.

The windscreen wipers thud dull and work to ruin Suggs’ cheeky excuse and I realise the old woman is too slow, even for an octogenarian.

Too late, and I should have known. The woman slides out a shotgun from the trolley and points it at me. I slam the accelerator and she swings and arcs her body to avoid my car’s bullhorns. She fires and a tyre bursts. I slip, slide and do an unintentional one-hundred-and-eighty degree turn. The airbag punches my face and sends my nose to the left.

I shake the fuzz away and check the rear view for Sonia Kilvington. She holds the shotgun over a shoulder and swaggers all Joan Jett my way. I grab the bag and slide out the passenger side. I stumble and slip as privet leaves are scythed by shotgun pellets behind me. I hear the reload and the click as she fires again. Read more

How often have I heard people ask “Why do you need a holiday when you live in Cyprus?” Will you please cut me some slack? Everyone needs a break from their daily routine. For years my friends have been telling me about this great hotel on the northern side, which is only a 50 minute drive from my village of Oroklini on the Greek side of the island. Having got a great all inclusive deal, (£210 English pounds – via Travel republic for both of us for 3 days), we were looking forward to a relaxing long weekend.

I must admit I that my expectations were moderate as 5 stars can defer greatly, depending on the location, but I had underestimated the quality of holiday experience on offer in this lovely hotel. Our room (I am married to Derek, if you don’t know me personally or are new to my blog) is on the top floor, and it is a family room with an extra bed. We are very happy to have the extra space and the view from the balcony is gorgeous!

The food is excellent too, with every type of salad leaf imaginable in the buffet. I spent so much time trying new and unusual looking salad dishes that I didn’t bother with any meat at all. For someone who has food allergies, like me, being able to select your own food is a godsend and I would always choose this over a formal sit down arrangement; but we are all different…

I think this only the second or third time I have gone all inclusive, and I must admit it does feel a little Benidormish, having that plastic band around your wrist (spoilt – who me?) So I decided that the best way to tackle this situation was to have my nails painted the same shade of purple as the band in the super health spa on the lower ground floor. So, now that I am perfectly co-ordinated, I feel a lot better. (You can take the girl out of Hartlepool…)

Is there much to do? Well apart from a pharmacy run, as the prices of prescription medication are considerably less over here, we have just chilled out so far, but I can tell you that the dry white wine is really nice and they make a mean gin and tonic; so it’s so far so good. We are thinking we might actually do something tomorrow… but best not over-do-it eh?